Time for Degree

It's application time already and I think it's safe to say: it is the BAIN of my life (apart from photoshop, obviously)

I looked online to try and find a course with fine art combined with illustration but the only ones I could find were ''Lincoln''.....? and ''Coventry'' (Bear in mind, I do not want to go more than an hour out of London)

It was quite amusing that ''Conventry'' came up first because my flatmate,Georgia and I have been bullying and abusing our other flatmate, Becki about ''Cov'' (Coventry) because she lives near there ever since she moved in. And now...It could potentially become...Where I do my BA course. I think I should research the night life first because I highly doubt it's a 'rave'

This is the sort of work I would like to do:

Naja Conrad-Hansen.

Ryan Sanchez.

I particularly like These because I love working with mixed media and also with a morbid twist. I like painting and drawing faces and skulls with a dripping effect. This is very similar to what I did for my A-level piece.

''Fashion Image'' And Other Times...

Good news has at last come, I succeeded at getting into my pathway 'fashion image'!!! exciting times DEFINETLY. We had to choose different options and I chose option 1.Vintage lace and sepia trimmings.
What the hell is a sepia trimming? all that came up on google were Louis Vouitton hadbags...

Anyway, I looked at this artist Hans Bellmer and I really love his art, it is quite macabre and intense and really morbid which is what I like about it. His work contains pieces of dead looking dolls with feminine characteristics such as bows. I like how his ideas in his pieces do not necessarily have to be typically beautiful but still contain a subtle attractiveness. I found it easy to generate ideas and be inspired by him.
In this piece, his work reminds me of Jenny Saville because of the way he distorts the body and increasing the proportion and Jenny Saville's work is often of naked over-weight people. This is interesting because we don't tend to imagine naked over-weight people because (most of us) don't think it is beautiful. But somehow Hans Bellmer makes this image work.


The face- Madonna in 10 years time? (If she lays off the botox)

Anti To The Climax

I came home expecting more than a warm welcome...I would be lucky if I even got that. People don't miss your presence unless you are truly gone. I realised that it wasn't home that I was missing, it was how it used to be. Some people never left and some have gone and started a new persona, well really, an ''alter-ego''

Like a person on drugs.

Everytime I come back home I expect so much more than I should really, I expect so much to be going on when really, to be honest I should have just stayed back in East LDN where my new life and new friends are. I miss it already and I've only been here 3 days. It's time to ''man up''     ?

This weekend was uneventful.

1. Seeing the most unlikely person get off with the town bicycle (lads on tour)
2. Friends who havn't placed their priorities in order yet...
3. Sexual tension was present, yet again.

I find this strange, I only have 3 points to mention. What a shame. This clearly proves how un-eventful the weekend was.

Number 3: How frustrating. It might be curiosity but I know that this curiosity would be satisfied if only I knew it would not end up a mistake. It came close to happening once but I stopped it. Fuck self control. Fuck conscience. Fuck always trying to see the best in a person. If this person became nicer, kinder and less selfish (not completely but just a little bit) then I would definetly not let him slip away. It's odd because deep, DEEP down, I am aware of the kindness and vulnerabilty this person suffers. I wish I could be the person to bring the best out of him and prove everyone wrong. Wishful Thinking? yes...unlucky.

''No Place Like Home''

Thursday is possibly going to be the most exciting day of my amazing life. I am going HOME.

To my parents, who I miss so much and have not seen for 3 or 4 weeks (it's that long that I'm losing track already)

To my precious friends (If i was to name names people would get jealous and the list would be endless - actually that's a lie, I have a lack of friends)

To a clean enviroment. Living in a flat so much fun on the weekend when you are too drunk to realise how much MESS you are festering in.NOT,

To a bed that has beautiful floral clean pink and white sheets and does not do up by velcro (yes I am living in the ghetto) but by buttons that stay intact.

Oh what an exciting place to look forward to.











The consequences of absent mother.







The consequences of never having a job.

Lack Of

Appreciation.

So, I slave away for two weeks on ART. 2 weeks of unwashed hair that has been tied up for 48 hours and a routine of eating nothing between the hours of 1pm and 7pm. I wanted to be the best and impress my tutor. After staying at uni until 6:30pm for a considerable amount of days and spending 7 hours on my final outcome I was shocked to find out how unimpressed my tutor was.


''This is not enough work''

What I wish I could have said ''I have finished a WHOLE FUCKING sketchbook and final piece''

I at least thought that my hard work would pay off. Unfortunately I am still waiting for that day to come.

I can take CONSTRUCTIVE critisizm that is actually useful in some sort of way/shape/form but i did not receive any useful information from this man until 6pm when he actually contradicted himself and said that i needed to tweak things in my sketchbook.



This is the start to a few more days of unhygienic hair and a ridiculous eating routine. Let the game begin.

Petite Mort

''The Little Death''


I found this word interesting because it's a French expression for ''Orgasm''


I came across it on one of my old Art Teachers website.









Marcelle Hanselaar - La Petite Mort