Sexual Tension

Feeling sexual tension between two friends.What a mess.
It's frustrating because it's there.In front of me. The only problem is his friend. i kind of dated him for about a month even though i wasn't even that interested. Bit of a mistake maybe...?
Sleeping with him would be wrong on so many levels but im not going to go into that.
If you gave me 10 guys to go on a date with i guarantee that i will pick the one with:
No job
No money
No A-Levels
No degree
No common sense
No life in general
Basically why choose second best? Always try and get the best you possibly can. I just don't approach any men. Simple. I don't want to sound too much like Carrie Bradshaw now.So i'll stop.For now.

They have sainsbury's basics pepper...? what the hell is going on.

The Art Foundation.

Mondays are SO boring. 3 whole hours of photoshop.FML.
I thought London College Of Fashion would be so different to what it is. I thought it would be full of really ''arty, edjaaaay'' people from East Landan. It's actually full of people from all over the place and they are all lovely and so down to earth.
There are 3 girls that i am good friends with, Morgan, Jess and Carys.
Morgan is from Essex and an absolute lunatic. Jess is a genuine person and a sweetie, and Carys is posh gal from Tooting Beck. There are NO MEN at LCF and the very few are all gay. I think i have seen 10 guys max at uni. It's like being at an all girls school again. So, so strange because all my friends from home are guys.

At first i hated LCF, i couldn't stand waking up in the morning, forcing myself out of bed and into the dreaded uni. Mondays-photoshop, Tuesdays- all day drawing shit like fabric and manekins and then drawing naked people (even though the male life model is quite attractive) I was counting down the days till the foundation course was over. You are forced to work independently with no help at all and everything they tell you is so vague.
Now i feel so different, we had to do different pathways to see which one we wanted to specialise in. We tried FDT: womenswear, menswear, 3D: jewellery design, shoe design, handbag design, costume, Textiles: playing around with fabrics, sewing and wax and Fashion Image: fine art, illustration, fashion photography, fashion illustration, mixed media. I chose fashion image so i could do illustration but theres a catch- we have to compete with each other because not everyone will get the pathway (only 50 out of 100 people get it!!) Even though LCF is pretentious,I love doing fashion image and drawing and using mixed media. I am starting to actually get excited about the project.
scary times.

Missing.

It's weird how when you feel like you like someone that has been a good friend for ages can turn into more than that. I am indicisive so i thought it COULD be a good idea because you know the person inside out and the relationship could be incredible...but then also it could go completely wrong
E.g your friendship is ruined and beyond repair.
It can be awkward and uncomfortable in friendship circles.
They know your weaknesses and vulnerability.

But after making the decision not to pursue 'X' i feel at loss somehow...Maybe because i know it would be good but i always focus on the negative.

Newbie.

I never thought i would have a blog. I always thought they were for people with lack of friends to talk to or were really bored. I was seduced by the idea that maybe people want to hear about what i think and what i write about.

I will use my blog to write about my friends, the people i am going to meet, my old life and my new life. In Whitechapel and as a student at London College Of Fashion.