Again, as usual, I havn't blogged for about 3 months...this is getting ridiculous. I just looked back on my old posts and thought how much my life has changed in the three months just have just flown by.
1.My last post was synical and sounds like the most unhappy single person, talking about wanting to change my behaviour towards men, now I feel very different, you could almost say, happy. I met someone 3 months ago (I havn't blogged in 3 months...coincidence?) and yes, I am much happier now. I'm shocked to say that I have found someone who my family love and my friends adore. I am just so taken back, it might be too good to be true...I should stop being so synical really... I'm just not used to feeling so comfortable with someone, my mother even loves this person. For once, I have chosen ( I cringe to say this SO MUCH) ''Mr.Right''
2. Canterbury University is only about 3 weeks away...
My best friend Alia, came to London a while ago, This is probably the only person who really deeply understands me, on levels that I don't even understand myself. I base a lot of my decisions on advice that she gives me, she fails to do anything wrong most of the time, whereas I cannot make my own decisions and when I do, they normally FAIL and are usually the worst decision to have possibly made.
So... I have 420 profile views, I was so shocked to see this, but then again, I can guarantee that half of the views are people looking for ''Cheska'' from 'Made In Chelsea's blog.
Sunday 14 August 2011
Monday 16 May 2011
Change.
For the past week I have literally thought about changing who I am. What really made me realise that I need to change aspects of my life are my two friends, Ollie and Griff. They made me realise I don't really have much self respect and I need to stop messing around and selling myself cheap.
All I have done since I split up with my ex boyfriend (17 months ago) is mess around with guys purely because being single was something new to me as I was in two long term relationships since I was 15.
I wasn't this person before, I used to never ever sleep with anyone apart from in relationships. I used to have some self control and I think a year ago I started to lose it.
When girls start to sleep around they get away with it for a bit but then when you start telling people about what you are doing, you get judged. You are brutally told that you are ''easy'' when really all you thought you were doing was having fun. As more people tend to make jokes about whoring yourself out and having ''fun'' It starts to dwell on you that maybe there is some element of reality in these comments.
I don't want it to get the point where I start to build a negative reputation for myself. My friends tell me that at university in Fresher's week the girls who sleep with guys are talked about, they never live down the reputation they get after this week. It is never forgotten that they have slept with someone every night of the week. But then of course when a guy does it he is just such a lad and a player and all his friends egg him on. Why do us girls have to receive such negativity when we are just simply having fun, doing exactly the same as what the guy does.
All I have done since I split up with my ex boyfriend (17 months ago) is mess around with guys purely because being single was something new to me as I was in two long term relationships since I was 15.
I wasn't this person before, I used to never ever sleep with anyone apart from in relationships. I used to have some self control and I think a year ago I started to lose it.
When girls start to sleep around they get away with it for a bit but then when you start telling people about what you are doing, you get judged. You are brutally told that you are ''easy'' when really all you thought you were doing was having fun. As more people tend to make jokes about whoring yourself out and having ''fun'' It starts to dwell on you that maybe there is some element of reality in these comments.
I don't want it to get the point where I start to build a negative reputation for myself. My friends tell me that at university in Fresher's week the girls who sleep with guys are talked about, they never live down the reputation they get after this week. It is never forgotten that they have slept with someone every night of the week. But then of course when a guy does it he is just such a lad and a player and all his friends egg him on. Why do us girls have to receive such negativity when we are just simply having fun, doing exactly the same as what the guy does.
Monday 9 May 2011
Birthday Bash
I moved out my East London flat a couple of months ago and I really miss it, when I need space from some people or my family I could always stay there for a few days or however long I wanted to and now I feel there is nowhere I can go to escape, to get some fresh air. Everything is more fun there, There is no bad drama. In Chiswick there have been a few events recently which really made me want to go back to my different life in the East. I realised that someone who I thought was a good person deep down, who I hoped would have some sort of respect for me is really just a lost cause. I'm dissapointed because this person brought out the worst in me and I felt I had to be really nasty to get my point across. I don't think I have ever been this nasty to anyone in my life. Not even any of my ex-boyfriends. I would love to go into detail but I'm scared that I will expose too much and this will be talked about which will probably land me in more trouble.
What else has been happening?
It was my 19th Birthday on the 24th April and I had a house party. I did something completely out of character...I did not get completely off my rocker...shocking isn't it. One of my friends DJ'ed for me and played amazing music, after a few bottles, jugs of pimms, shots etc everyone was skankin' My crazy mother made at least 3 bbq's, one which took place at midnight, in the pouring rain, she looked hilarious, holding an umbrella in one hand and a spatula in the other (whilst drunk) People had fun even though it was pissing down outside, a small group sat around my table outside drinking pimms for hours.
Apparently,Torres scored....?
My friend, Imogen made me an incredible chocolate cake
It tasted incredible. The icing itself would have ended any girl's diet. DELISH.
I might do a ''Barbie's Birthday take two'' and take three....and mabe four..five and so on...
What else has been happening?
It was my 19th Birthday on the 24th April and I had a house party. I did something completely out of character...I did not get completely off my rocker...shocking isn't it. One of my friends DJ'ed for me and played amazing music, after a few bottles, jugs of pimms, shots etc everyone was skankin' My crazy mother made at least 3 bbq's, one which took place at midnight, in the pouring rain, she looked hilarious, holding an umbrella in one hand and a spatula in the other (whilst drunk) People had fun even though it was pissing down outside, a small group sat around my table outside drinking pimms for hours.
Apparently,Torres scored....?
My friend, Imogen made me an incredible chocolate cake
It tasted incredible. The icing itself would have ended any girl's diet. DELISH.
I might do a ''Barbie's Birthday take two'' and take three....and mabe four..five and so on...
<3 Mummy And Me <3
A wannabe ''Girl About Town''
You can imagine my disdain when I saw that one of the characters on ''Made In Chelsea'' has a blog named ''Girl About Town''
I can guess this means that people will be looking for her online and they will stumble across my blog (which is waaay better of course)
I havn't blogged in a while as per usual, I guess I just kind of forget to write. I really wish that someone found this blog and paid me to write even though all the things I mention is mostly pointless babble.
Seeing as I have just watched ''Made In Chelsea'' I'll dedicate this post to that rahhhh show.
Preppy kids living in Chelsea and Sloane Square used to be the girls in UGG boots with the blonde highlights constantly flicking their hair back whilst repeating ''YAH'' over and over again, now the stereotype has developed and maybe even changed a little, I havn't seen girls teetering around in their UGG boots for a while now yah cuz that is so not fashion anymore.Under any circumstances. I would not be seen dead wearing ''UGG's''
We associate these born and bred chelsea folk with money,designer clothes (Louis Vuitton handbags/Chanel purses/Marc Jacobs perfume/Dior make-up/and yaaahh the dreaded ugg boots) and with posh accents. The funny thing is, even the middle class laugh at these poncey types when they have pretty posh rah accents too. God I'm bored about writing about ''those people''
I can guess this means that people will be looking for her online and they will stumble across my blog (which is waaay better of course)
I havn't blogged in a while as per usual, I guess I just kind of forget to write. I really wish that someone found this blog and paid me to write even though all the things I mention is mostly pointless babble.
Seeing as I have just watched ''Made In Chelsea'' I'll dedicate this post to that rahhhh show.
Preppy kids living in Chelsea and Sloane Square used to be the girls in UGG boots with the blonde highlights constantly flicking their hair back whilst repeating ''YAH'' over and over again, now the stereotype has developed and maybe even changed a little, I havn't seen girls teetering around in their UGG boots for a while now yah cuz that is so not fashion anymore.Under any circumstances. I would not be seen dead wearing ''UGG's''
We associate these born and bred chelsea folk with money,designer clothes (Louis Vuitton handbags/Chanel purses/Marc Jacobs perfume/Dior make-up/and yaaahh the dreaded ugg boots) and with posh accents. The funny thing is, even the middle class laugh at these poncey types when they have pretty posh rah accents too. God I'm bored about writing about ''those people''
Wednesday 2 March 2011
BoysGirlsBoys
I feel the need to blog in the night time, around 1am usually.
It's funny how I'm on facebook chat, debating whether or not to talk to this guy or not, or to play the 'hard to get' game. For most girls, playing hard to get is an instant decision made but for me, it was'nt until now. Im far too impatient to play stupid games and get bored easily. I decided to start playing the game and I was surprised at it's results and how well it worked.Instant success.
Anyway, as always, I am far too shy to start the conversation as I would probably come across as stupid and awkward because when it comes to men, I am too scared to even approach any of them. I was with this guy I like, the other day, just talking, as friends and I began to say stupid pointless random things, such as ''Oooohh look, we're both wearing stripes!'' HOW CRINGE OF MY LIFE is that? He didn't say a thing...
I find it so strange how just by being in the prescence of someone who I like, I instantly become awkward and less confident to how I normally am. My friend's would describe me as wild and loud. With men, I turn into a shy little girl. I guess I'm too scared to show how I really am because It's pretty intense and intimidating.
It's been 82 hours and he still hasn't replied to my message.Maybe he hasn't been on facebook? he has, I saw him online for approximately 10.34568 mins Maybe someone 'stole' his laptop?..... This is how much women over analyse. I'm exaggerating, but the funny thing is, I found myself saying '' He hasn't replied for four whole days when normally he leaves it two days'' It drives me crazy to be one of those girls. Normally I don't care but as a woman, I tend to over analyse what could potentially happen with a guy. Typing this is embarrassing but I know that all of my female friends feel the same when this happens to them...Men...not so much. It might just be paranoia but what if it isn't?
You know what, so what? After my two year relationship ended I thought to myself, in 10 years time are you even going to remember this person? It applies to my situation now, and also there are ''plenty more fish in the sea'' It's not even a big deal because it is so minor and nothing has even happened yet.
It's funny how I'm on facebook chat, debating whether or not to talk to this guy or not, or to play the 'hard to get' game. For most girls, playing hard to get is an instant decision made but for me, it was'nt until now. Im far too impatient to play stupid games and get bored easily. I decided to start playing the game and I was surprised at it's results and how well it worked.Instant success.
Anyway, as always, I am far too shy to start the conversation as I would probably come across as stupid and awkward because when it comes to men, I am too scared to even approach any of them. I was with this guy I like, the other day, just talking, as friends and I began to say stupid pointless random things, such as ''Oooohh look, we're both wearing stripes!'' HOW CRINGE OF MY LIFE is that? He didn't say a thing...
I find it so strange how just by being in the prescence of someone who I like, I instantly become awkward and less confident to how I normally am. My friend's would describe me as wild and loud. With men, I turn into a shy little girl. I guess I'm too scared to show how I really am because It's pretty intense and intimidating.
It's been 82 hours and he still hasn't replied to my message.Maybe he hasn't been on facebook? he has, I saw him online for approximately 10.34568 mins Maybe someone 'stole' his laptop?..... This is how much women over analyse. I'm exaggerating, but the funny thing is, I found myself saying '' He hasn't replied for four whole days when normally he leaves it two days'' It drives me crazy to be one of those girls. Normally I don't care but as a woman, I tend to over analyse what could potentially happen with a guy. Typing this is embarrassing but I know that all of my female friends feel the same when this happens to them...Men...not so much. It might just be paranoia but what if it isn't?
You know what, so what? After my two year relationship ended I thought to myself, in 10 years time are you even going to remember this person? It applies to my situation now, and also there are ''plenty more fish in the sea'' It's not even a big deal because it is so minor and nothing has even happened yet.
Friday 25 February 2011
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
I wish we could read people's minds at times.Not all the time because I think we don't want to hear everything people think about us. Women wish they could read a man's mind, and vice versa.
If we could do this then everything would be clear.It would be more black and white without all the grey areas. If I could have one superpower it would be this...or being able to become invisible.
It's funny how men actually enjoy 'playing hard to get' and girls not being keenos because surely you would run out of patience if the flirting isn't going anywhere. This is why I struggle with playing silly games with men, I have very little patience and get bored easily.I feel like if you fancy someone shouldn't they just know? I've been thinking about this for quite a while now because I didn't end up with my ex boyfriends by using this strategy, I think it's nicer and more stable to be in a relationship with a friend, not a close friend, maybe even an aquaintance.
Women suffer from thinking about things constantly and over analysing men and situations such as:
When is it okay for me to text him back?
Possible answers: don't text him! he should chase you!, text him back ASAP (no one really gives out that advice, don't worry)
Should I put one kiss or more? (at the end of the text)
Should I ask him out for a drink or should I wait for him to make the move?
Why should'nt I ask him out for a drink? Why is it so 'keen' to want to get to know someone, It's not like you're asking them to be your boyfriend. Of course there are different levels of 'desperate'. Theres the non stop texter who won't leave you alone (stalker Alert), theres the sex addict who thinks sex will make the guy like you when actually it will make them have sex with you, then leave. Theres the texter who won't quite leave it long enough to text you back (after 5 mins)
Men love the chase. I'm not saying all men are the same but it is agreed that this is true by many of my female and male friends. Yes It's fun, new and exciting but it gets boring after a while.
I once texted this guy during the day who texted back,the day after...he did this 4 times so I played him at his game, and when I did this, he texted back sooner and asked me for a drink. I don't know If it's coincidental or not. Yes I am a woman and yes, I over analyse everything. Theres a reason for this though, I want to go out for a drink with someone who is actually half decent and attractive, not some guy I've picked up in a club, with my beer goggles on, shouting ''Girls on tour'' or ''gash on the lash'' Lets be honest, you are not going to find your next boyfriend is some grotty sweaty meat market club...I once met this guy in the pub who was cheeky, calling me sexybum in his emails and a couple of weeks later he texted me saying....''Shag?'' .... But apart from clubs and pubs where would I find the next boyfriend? I go to a uni where the guys are gay, literally all of them and there are only like 5..... Would I meet him in the street? no because that's creepy, it's like 'I've been watching you , you're really hot lets go for a drink? AKA staring at your tits'
The whole point in this post was to try to see why women over analyse everything and why men love a chase. It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.Oh dear.
If we could do this then everything would be clear.It would be more black and white without all the grey areas. If I could have one superpower it would be this...or being able to become invisible.
It's funny how men actually enjoy 'playing hard to get' and girls not being keenos because surely you would run out of patience if the flirting isn't going anywhere. This is why I struggle with playing silly games with men, I have very little patience and get bored easily.I feel like if you fancy someone shouldn't they just know? I've been thinking about this for quite a while now because I didn't end up with my ex boyfriends by using this strategy, I think it's nicer and more stable to be in a relationship with a friend, not a close friend, maybe even an aquaintance.
Women suffer from thinking about things constantly and over analysing men and situations such as:
When is it okay for me to text him back?
Possible answers: don't text him! he should chase you!, text him back ASAP (no one really gives out that advice, don't worry)
Should I put one kiss or more? (at the end of the text)
Should I ask him out for a drink or should I wait for him to make the move?
Why should'nt I ask him out for a drink? Why is it so 'keen' to want to get to know someone, It's not like you're asking them to be your boyfriend. Of course there are different levels of 'desperate'. Theres the non stop texter who won't leave you alone (stalker Alert), theres the sex addict who thinks sex will make the guy like you when actually it will make them have sex with you, then leave. Theres the texter who won't quite leave it long enough to text you back (after 5 mins)
Men love the chase. I'm not saying all men are the same but it is agreed that this is true by many of my female and male friends. Yes It's fun, new and exciting but it gets boring after a while.
I once texted this guy during the day who texted back,the day after...he did this 4 times so I played him at his game, and when I did this, he texted back sooner and asked me for a drink. I don't know If it's coincidental or not. Yes I am a woman and yes, I over analyse everything. Theres a reason for this though, I want to go out for a drink with someone who is actually half decent and attractive, not some guy I've picked up in a club, with my beer goggles on, shouting ''Girls on tour'' or ''gash on the lash'' Lets be honest, you are not going to find your next boyfriend is some grotty sweaty meat market club...I once met this guy in the pub who was cheeky, calling me sexybum in his emails and a couple of weeks later he texted me saying....''Shag?'' .... But apart from clubs and pubs where would I find the next boyfriend? I go to a uni where the guys are gay, literally all of them and there are only like 5..... Would I meet him in the street? no because that's creepy, it's like 'I've been watching you , you're really hot lets go for a drink? AKA staring at your tits'
The whole point in this post was to try to see why women over analyse everything and why men love a chase. It didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.Oh dear.
Tuesday 15 February 2011
BBC Interview & Singletons Valentines
WOOOOOOOOO I got an offer at Canterbury to do Fine Art. When my mum told me I almost cried. Well that's a lie, I did definetly cry a lil bit. Ok a lot, I was in floods of tears. I joke.
Urgghhh I am feeling so frustrated with myself.
Im missing someone that I shouldn't be. He wasn't good for me then and he still wouldn't be now. It's weird because I can't explain it. It not like having feelings for someone or just even fancying them, I don't think you can put a label on it.
I can't believe it took this much to make me miss him. I sound like a lovesick teenager.
Valentines Day
Is commercial.
This is what every single singleton say's out there. They make up a whole list of excuses so that they don't feel lonely. They say It's commercial, It's not a real day of the year, just an excuse to spend money on pointless gifts such as flowers and cards. Cards get thrown into the garbage eventually, or get burnt after the girl has been dumped, flowers die after three days. Single people can easily picture themselves sitting on the sofa, like the ultimate spinster slob, in front of the telly watching Bridget Jones' (Abbreviated from Briget Jones' Diary because lets not lie, we have seen it 14 times) I should know. I am one of these people in some ways, I'm definetly a negative person at times and V Day is another excuse to be negative. I sugarcoat it by using the term ''realistic''
BBC INTERVIEW
So, I went to the BBC last week and had my interview for ''Finishing School For Girls'' I walk into the huge building and she meets me on the ground floor. She then takes me into an office with a camera pointed at my face and attaches a microphone to my coat.
The woman is called Sue. She asked me loads of really personal questions about my past, people I used to be friends with, ex boyfriends, family and what drugs I used to take. I was clever. I told her things that my mother already knows about. She had already asked me all of this on the phone so It felt weird repeating everything I had already told her, but in front of a camera and this other woman. The other woman squinted at me as if she knew everything about me and tried to read into my body language.
To be honest, It felt like a counselling session. Especially with the other woman, sitting cross legged, leaning forward with her hand on her chin, squinting at me and trying to understand who I was. I felt good vibes from her, she was warm and friendly and didn't have a front. The only question she asked me was why I didn't want to have children. She probably wanted to hear that I was unable to have children. Sorry to dissapoint you.
Urgghhh I am feeling so frustrated with myself.
Im missing someone that I shouldn't be. He wasn't good for me then and he still wouldn't be now. It's weird because I can't explain it. It not like having feelings for someone or just even fancying them, I don't think you can put a label on it.
I can't believe it took this much to make me miss him. I sound like a lovesick teenager.
Valentines Day
Is commercial.
This is what every single singleton say's out there. They make up a whole list of excuses so that they don't feel lonely. They say It's commercial, It's not a real day of the year, just an excuse to spend money on pointless gifts such as flowers and cards. Cards get thrown into the garbage eventually, or get burnt after the girl has been dumped, flowers die after three days. Single people can easily picture themselves sitting on the sofa, like the ultimate spinster slob, in front of the telly watching Bridget Jones' (Abbreviated from Briget Jones' Diary because lets not lie, we have seen it 14 times) I should know. I am one of these people in some ways, I'm definetly a negative person at times and V Day is another excuse to be negative. I sugarcoat it by using the term ''realistic''
BBC INTERVIEW
So, I went to the BBC last week and had my interview for ''Finishing School For Girls'' I walk into the huge building and she meets me on the ground floor. She then takes me into an office with a camera pointed at my face and attaches a microphone to my coat.
The woman is called Sue. She asked me loads of really personal questions about my past, people I used to be friends with, ex boyfriends, family and what drugs I used to take. I was clever. I told her things that my mother already knows about. She had already asked me all of this on the phone so It felt weird repeating everything I had already told her, but in front of a camera and this other woman. The other woman squinted at me as if she knew everything about me and tried to read into my body language.
To be honest, It felt like a counselling session. Especially with the other woman, sitting cross legged, leaning forward with her hand on her chin, squinting at me and trying to understand who I was. I felt good vibes from her, she was warm and friendly and didn't have a front. The only question she asked me was why I didn't want to have children. She probably wanted to hear that I was unable to have children. Sorry to dissapoint you.
Saturday 29 January 2011
Honesty & Parties
I received an email a few days ago asking if I wanted to be on ''Finishing School For Girls'' on the BBC. Last season was called Peckham Finishing School For Girls. I think it involves me swapping lives with a geordie who lives on a council estate... Thats what it said in the email.
I want to go on it. We will see if it's actually genuine.
I havn't blogged in ages, I've been really stressed about uni blah blah blah
I was so angry that I smashed my phone up. I threw it across the room and the screen cracked and I can't see the screen.Fail.
I got quite a lot of abuse from some of the things I posted. It's interesting to see how people react to honesty. They say honesty is the best policy but surely it can't be if people post abuse about me over a silly blog post that wasn't even aimed at them in the first place. I was shocked that they were still even looking at my facebook page (shows that some people just can't move on) I quote ''I could'nt care less if she got hit by a bus'' It really shows how tacky some people are on facebook. Then of course all the others joined it which didn't surprise me. But there was one person who dissapointed me. I hope that she knows who she is. She is the one person that was different. She's better than them. She's classy, intelligent and lovely. It's a shame I can't say the same thing about the others.
Anyway, enough of wasting time writing about people who will never change. I'm expecting another abusive status. I'm quite flattered really, they still think about me.
One of my flatmates moved out :( she couldn't cope with the mess and she wanted to be near her friends and family. The mess was pretty bad...but now me and Georgia are actually pretty clean. Since I've been back from Christmas holidays, I have had so much fun. The 2 day benders are exciting, good music, good company. I feel like I could do that every weekend here. I have met a lot of new people, some good, some bad. Only one or two that I am not a fan of. They won't be here again though, Georgia didn't like them either.
Normally the night starts off at ours, drinking vodka and diet coke,strongbow, taking a few. We do our hair and make up, play music, dance, laugh and call some people. On Thursdays we go to Punk. We have after parties that go on until 6pm the next day. I am not hardcore enough to stay awake for 24 hours so I normally go to bed at 9am. I wish I could stay awake for longer because I never want the night to end. I don't want to think about my responsibilities and what I have to face on Monday morning. I hate how it gets light. It just reminds me that I should be in bed. The light says that the party is over. It says that we should stop drinking and taking and go to sleep. The blinds don't even cover the light which is a bit shit.
I want to go on it. We will see if it's actually genuine.
I havn't blogged in ages, I've been really stressed about uni blah blah blah
I was so angry that I smashed my phone up. I threw it across the room and the screen cracked and I can't see the screen.Fail.
I got quite a lot of abuse from some of the things I posted. It's interesting to see how people react to honesty. They say honesty is the best policy but surely it can't be if people post abuse about me over a silly blog post that wasn't even aimed at them in the first place. I was shocked that they were still even looking at my facebook page (shows that some people just can't move on) I quote ''I could'nt care less if she got hit by a bus'' It really shows how tacky some people are on facebook. Then of course all the others joined it which didn't surprise me. But there was one person who dissapointed me. I hope that she knows who she is. She is the one person that was different. She's better than them. She's classy, intelligent and lovely. It's a shame I can't say the same thing about the others.
Anyway, enough of wasting time writing about people who will never change. I'm expecting another abusive status. I'm quite flattered really, they still think about me.
One of my flatmates moved out :( she couldn't cope with the mess and she wanted to be near her friends and family. The mess was pretty bad...but now me and Georgia are actually pretty clean. Since I've been back from Christmas holidays, I have had so much fun. The 2 day benders are exciting, good music, good company. I feel like I could do that every weekend here. I have met a lot of new people, some good, some bad. Only one or two that I am not a fan of. They won't be here again though, Georgia didn't like them either.
Normally the night starts off at ours, drinking vodka and diet coke,strongbow, taking a few. We do our hair and make up, play music, dance, laugh and call some people. On Thursdays we go to Punk. We have after parties that go on until 6pm the next day. I am not hardcore enough to stay awake for 24 hours so I normally go to bed at 9am. I wish I could stay awake for longer because I never want the night to end. I don't want to think about my responsibilities and what I have to face on Monday morning. I hate how it gets light. It just reminds me that I should be in bed. The light says that the party is over. It says that we should stop drinking and taking and go to sleep. The blinds don't even cover the light which is a bit shit.
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